Waste Management

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to recommend One as a candidate for a position with your organisation.

During his tenure with us (June 2007 – present) he has demonstrated a growing ability and commitment to waste management.

From the early days of self -evacuation to his recent triumphant disposal of an unnamed executive’s Blackberry Storm in downstairs toilet whilst its owner was foolishly engaged in human interaction, we feel that he has clearly shown where his not inconsiderable talents lie. 

One displays a great capacity for working on his own initiative. He led the team in charge of dumping $300 of prescription migraine medicine in the diaper pail and was also the brains behind the scheme to reduce the nuisance of unopened mail by single-handedly rerouting it directly to the recycling bin. 

One is also a great team player and can often be found with his colleagues usefully throwing essential kitchen items over the garden fence in order to raise morale and establish local brand awareness. We recall one memorable day he and another employee buried the CEO’s car keys as a teambuilding exercise.  It was a huge success! The entire company came along for the treasure hunt. The fact that the keys were never recovered stands testimony to One’s superior abilities.

While we do concede that his written and verbal skills may be slightly below the standard usually witnessed at this entry level, we are confident that he will be more than able to communicate his needs via alternative means such as shrieking, hitting and running away, universally understood in any language. He is adept at following directions, if he so chooses and can be persuaded to do almost anything for a sticky bun.

We shall be very sad to lose him, of course, but his skills now far outstrip any task that we can provide for him here and we know he will be much happier with your company.

Plus we need the money.
Yours Sincerely,

Mothership

Tweet