I’m booking Five in to zoo camp next week.
She will be a spectator and a student, although one could be forgiven for thinking she might be a resident given her recent behaviour. I am willing to pay almost anything to get her out of the house for a few hours each day given the stroppy teenager she has taken to aping at intermittent, unpredictable intervals during each and every day.
Today she woke up at 5.30am, citing jet-lag although curiously this also kept her up until 11pm last night – don’t quite know how it works both ways but she milked it anyway – and demanded stories, forbidden DVD’s, food, drinks, etc. all of which were granted by her bleary-eyed father while I slept on, blissfully unaware. Her mood deteriorated as she got colder and therefore grumpier because she absolutely and categorically refused to put on a stitch of clothing except the revolting My Little Pony nightie she had conned her Grandad into buying for her in Washington DC. Of course it was unavailable today – in the wash, finally and deservedly – so she conducted her Machiavellian morning in the buff which was picturesque but chilly so by the time I got up (roughly shaken awake with the admonition to fetch Two as he was stuck between his cot and the wall) her teeth were chattering and she was furious with me.
Husband had gone back to bed by this point, exhausted by ill temper (hers) and obsequience (his).
I fed the children and drifted outside for my morning dose of sanity – writing in my diary – leaving Husband in charge, and came back to find Five lying on the floor howling about nothing in particular. She had been set off by Two finding a ladybird and was enraged that she herself did not have one -it wasn’t fair.
I hear “It’s not fair” quite a lot from Five and I do sympathise. I well remember feeling completely powerless at that age and thinking that only the grownups had any fun or control. When I grew up I was going to eat sweets for every meal and live in a double decker bus and go to bed as late as I wanted and never have a bath, not ever, so there!
Now I’m a grownup and a mother I also think it’s not fair that I try my very best, give her all that I didn’t have, including my attention, affection and understanding and I still get flashing eyes, stomping feet and phenomenal cheekiness sometimes bordering on rudeness and she’s only FIVE. Admittedly I was like this sometimes but I saved it until I was a bit older and had been crapped on by the world. I was quite sweet up until then and not overly dramatic (nb. I checked with my parents, I am not making this up).
Today she said:
“Oh, you think your iPhone is SO smart.”
Me: ” Well, it is quite clever”
Five: ” I bet it can’t find London”
Me: ” Well, actually it can.”
Five: ” Oh. Well, I bet it can’t find Paris.”
Me: ” It can find Paris, too – want to have a look together? It’s in Europe.”
Five: ” Well, it can’t find HEAVEN!”
Me (laughing): “That’s true, it can’t. Nobody really knows where that is, though, not even the iPhone.”
Five: “I do. It’s up there in the sky”
Me: “Really? We were just up there in a plane! I didn’t see it. Are you sure?”
Five: ” Oh yeah! I saw it, it was there. You just didn’t see it because you were too busy reading your book”
This was hilariously funny, but also a little sad. There were moments when she was shrieking with laughter at the tiny people and specks of cars on the ground, seeing the swimming pools from far away as little fairy ponds for flies to swim in.
Was this a kind of nirvana for her?
I was trying to block it all out, get some shuteye, trying not to remember a hundred flights like this I had taken in my own childhood, alone, between one grumpy parent and another, full of sadness and anxiety. I used to read a lot on those little eggbeaters.
Maybe I could take a leaf out of her book by taking my nose out of mine. I wouldn’t want to miss heaven if it’s really up there. And I suppose it’s possible that if I were just a little more present she might see that as a gift, too.
Sound fair?
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
aww, made my eyes tear up. she’s adorable. xo
It’s not easy, being a non-theist parent, and listening to the drivel that society teaches our children.
My solace lies in the fact that they do, eventually, grow up. And learn that this stuff is just hype. It takes a while, and a lot of cautious head nodding, but it does happen.
The Mother’s last blog post..The Pythagoreans Have a Number for That
Life isn’t fair. One of the jobs of being a parent is to prepare a child for that fact.
I love your daughter’s take on life.
Every time I have tried to be more present to my kids, they haven’t seen it as a gift. They’ve seen it as the new base line for what is a barely acceptable minimum.
Iota’s last blog post..Swim nappies
This again is so beautifully written! You describe one of my #1 mummy worries, being a ‘child with a troubled childhood’ myself.
I can feel your frustration when giving your daughter what you craved as a child doesn’t lead to what you imagined. In a way I think this is a good thing, because it shows that she never had to long for what you didn’t have.
Metropolitan Mum’s last blog post..Wednesday Weigh-In Vol.7. Or: I’m losing it
Love the post, I think all children go through phases where “lifes not fair”, I too have tried to provide a family life for my kids that I felt I did not have in my childhood, but I have come to realise that whatever you do, it is never enough and as they grow older, they just become stroppier and stroppier, until they hopefully become adults and will then appreciate it.
brenda’s last blog post..People!
Hello! Just found your blog! Five sounds really cute. Even FP, who is almost two, has her stroppy moments and sometimes I’m the one silently screaming, “It’s not fair!” too. You’ve just gotta love them
Rachel Pattisson’s last blog post..Top 20 Mummy Blogs
I wish I could see Heaven from a plane!She oviously has a very good imagination, fantastic!
exromana: Yes, cute, but cheeky as hell. And sometimes rather rude!
The Mother: I like to keep an open mind. I think there is a huge amount of ‘drivel’ out there, but I’m not absolutely certain I’m not teaching a fair amount of it to her myself. If she can give me a window on to some spiritual enlightenment, or at least a few moments of shared joy, I’m all for it!
Iota: You’re spot on. My children also seize every raised bar as the bare acceptable minimum. I admire them for it. Why did I accept so little? They will go far..
Metropolitan Mum; I hope that you are right, that our children are lucky for not knowing what pain we have known. But also privilege can bring arrogance if we are not careful. Humility is a beautiful characteristic but it is not necessarily born of being given every advantage. Oh! Where is the line??
Brenda. Do you make them toe the line at some point? I have started to do that with Five and Two (up to a point, he is less trouble) but then I feel like Stalin half the day!
Hi Rachel, thanks for stopping by. Yes, it’s NOT FAIR! I saw myself as perfectly reasonable mother with a sweet smile on my face all the time and beautifully behaved children due to my superior understanding but I get teenage Five who rolls her eyes and snorts at me when I ask her what she wants for lunch.
Clareybabble. I, too, will be keeping my eyes open from now on. I think Five shows me many things I couldn’t see before. My adult eyes had shut down so much of the world and my own imagination.
My darlings would have said — you just didn’t see it because you were on email!
And no one ever said life was fair
A Modern Mother’s last blog post..Bedtime conversations
I prefer not to look out of planes, keeps me from thinking how unnatural is it to be up in the air in a very heavy piece of machinery. But I do know my boys seem to think flying is amazing, and that alone makes it more tolerable for me when we travel together.
followthatdog’s last blog post..Nice