by Mothership on November 28, 2012

I can hardly write, I ate so much, and this year, somehow more than previous ones, it’s hit me that in less than a month I shall be obliged to eat another turkey with roast potatoes and all the trimmings. I’m not actually sure I can do it.

While we were staying with my father, Five got to watch quite a lot of cable TV which he hasn’t really seen before. This meant, of course, that he also saw a lot of advertising and his Christmas list has correspondingly grown fatter, greedier and will inevitably lead to greater disappointment.

Plus, I have no idea what most of the things he wants actually are. This is partly because I didn’t watch the TV with him, and also because he still has some speech issues which to my ear are rather endearing, but if he were to whisper them, say, to Santa, would result in frozen smiles and baffled looks. And maybe a suggestion of psychiatric help?

Five wants:

  • A gun and handcuffs (he was willing to negotiate on the gun but he definitely wanted the cuffs. Metal ones. With a key)
  • A Bwo Bwaster. No, I got that wrong
  • A Bro Blaster (something for blasting your bro’s and homies – music related? like a double tape player?)  No I got that wrong, too, it’s a
  • PRO BLASTER. It’s some kind of paintball type weapon for older teens. Not for 5 year olds. Not for my son. Ever. Never ever ever.
    Really, he’s very sweet and cuddly and gentle! I promise! 
  • Ninjago! Not Ninjago, Mummy, NinjaGO! Say it! NinjaGO! Sensei Woo!
    (I say, playfully “Sensei WHOOO?”and he throws himself on the floor in hysterical tears because I’m not taking it seriously enough)
  • A tank. A real one. I can drive it, honest! Or maybe daddy can drive it. Or you if you’re careful (WHAT? WTF?! Sexist little runt. Just for that, no.)
  • A defective kit. (a detective kit, darling?) NO! A DEFECTIVE KIT! I”M NOT KIDDING!
  • Beyblades (he wants, he wants, oh I don’t know, special ones and not others; it’s so complicated that I zoned out. Why are toys so difficult?)
  • An electric car (that’s funny, so does your dad!)
  • cool fings! (ok, one ice cube coming up, har har, I’m so witty)
  • I don’t want ANY BOOKS
  • I don’t want any BORING toys
The last two are unfortunate because I plan to buy him ONLY books and boring toys. or educational art supplies. Or clothes which are the worst thing you can get a little boy as any fule kno.
Eight wants a snake that eats veggies only (but she may settle for a kitten – the kitten as a pet that is, not a snake that eats kittens). She does NOT want Baby Alive because she is baffled by anyone who would choose to own a doll that pisses itself. I second that heartily and can barely recall why I wanted to have any human babies who pissed themselves,either.
I want peace on earth for Christmas. But I’m also accepting cash donations, books, boxes of chocolates, bubble bath and offers to cook the turkey.
What’s on your list?


1 Robin December 4, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Great list. I also plan on only purchasing books and boring toys for my kids. They’re only going to play with the wrapping and boxes anyhow so what does it matter?

2 Katie December 18, 2012 at 8:08 am

‘A tank, maybe Daddy can drive it’ so cute, adorable.

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