Reeling and Writhing and Fainting in Coils

“Oh my GOD!”

I hear you say

“I can’t believe she’s gone and done another one of those fucking Me-me-me-me-memes!”

Don’t we know enough about her knicker drawer and the contents of her fridge by now?

But wait! Before you click away in disgust, it’s okay because this one is LITERARY and therefore BRAINY and CLEVER and not-at-all-egotistical, or if it is, it’s going to be smartly disguised in delightful language and sly allusions and witty banter.
Furthermore it was sent on to me by NappyValleyGirl who is so lovely and unassuming that it can’t be the same sort of pompous self-aggrandising platform-whoring twaddle that I have been witnessing on Twitter from certain “authors” who can’t write poo on a lavatory wall, yet feel free to lecture the rest of us on our principles when their own are neither cohesive nor based in any kind of defendable position..

Oops! Did I veer off topic? Sorry.

Back to me.

This list of questions actually made me stop and think quite hard, which was a very creaky, dusty affair.

Which words do you use too much in your writing?
This seems to be a trick question. I’m not sure I like the tone of it at all. In fact, I consider it to be rather rude! Who are you anyway? Which words do YOU use too much, Mr. Sentence? If absolutely pushed, I might concede the word ‘however’.
However, that is with the caveat that I am a fair minded person who likes to present all sides of an argument so surely that is to my credit.

Hmmph.

Which words do you consider overused in stuff you read?
We can start immediately, now that you mention it, with the word ‘stuff’. What exactly is ‘stuff’, and why can’t better sentences be constructed without resorting to general blanket words like ‘stuff’ and ‘things’? I also particularly dislike it when coupled with the word ‘bunch’ as a collective noun. “A bunch of stuff”. Very common here in the US and it gives me the shudders.

Harrrummph!

Oh dear. Not off to a good start, are we, meme?

What’s your favourite piece of writing by you?
This is a hard question. I tend to like whatever I’ve just written, but then I go back and see other things later that still resonate. How about this?

What blog post do you wish you’d written?
I love this post. So very funny. But I suspect it won’t be quite as hilarious when I really need it.

What is the strangest thing you have ever been asked to write about?
I had to write a leaflet for the Fairtrade organisation promoting their products (then coffee, tea and chocolate) but do the entire thing without mentioning the words coffee, tea or chocolate. The very oddest thing is that nobody would tell me why, and if I pressed them they would become angry and shout at me. It was like being in an Ionesco play. In the end I just turned in some drivel and felt grateful that I was working for an agency on salary.. Then shortly after I quit.

Name three favourite words…
incandescent, marine, heffalump.
And all together. Oh! The incandescent marine heffalump is rarely seen, but its presence can be detected by the trails of gently glowing sea-peanut shells left on the ocean floor…

And three words you’re not so keen on?
Any noun that is incorrectly turned into a verb by adding ‘ize’ to the end. That is more than three.

Do you have a writing mentor, role model or inspiration?
I love Margaret Atwood. I have a series of letters that begin “Dear Margaret” and then ramble on. I am completely aware that she would HATE to have any letters from me, and in fact her writing makes her irritation with her young(er – ahem) fans quite apparent. I rather love that about her.

What is your writing ambition?
You mean apart from the Booker Prize and being on Oprah’s Book Club? Oh, not much, really. I’ll probably just, well, I don’t know..

You will be relived to hear that is all.

I am going to send this on to three of my writerly bloggers and see what they do with it. Here you go, Mrs Trefusis, LibertyLondonGirl and MaybeI’mLying. Away with Ye!