I have had an unconventional career path. I have mentioned before my years as a singer, songwriter and composer. I may not have mentioned the time spent working for a costume shop, mostly dressed as a gorilla. Or when I worked painting murals in a bar in Virginia.
But I’m a restless soul. I like to do new things. Right now I’m doing MOTHERHOOD. I won’t be giving that up, of course, but as the children grow I like to think of what it is I will do next.
Oh! The wide vista of possibility! It’s dazzling, enchanting, seductive, and perhaps a little daunting in its sheer enormity.
LibertyLondonGirl wrote a lovely post today about it never being too late to become whatever you wanted to be. This is wonderful.
It is also never too late to rule out things you do not ever want to do for a living. I am relieved to report that in my quest to find out what I want to be when I grow up I have been able to tick another one off the list.
Today, at Five’s school Mrs.K complimented me on being “the volunteer parent most able to maintain discipline amongst the group”.
I wondered if this really was a compliment. Could it also mean that I am the fiercest, most terrifying mother of the class and they’re all crapping themselves when I walk in the door? Sometimes when I hear myself speak to the children I am taken aback by how like a strict, old-fashioned British schoolmarm I sound. I half expect a grey bun and whiskers to sprout and and start rapping them over the knuckles with a ruler for getting glue on the table.
Actually that’s quite a satisfying thought.
Today a particularly unprepossessing little girl asked me:
“Do you have a baby in your tummy?”
“No” I smiled
“Then why do you have a big fat belly?”
I stopped smiling.
The CHEEK of it!
I don’t, as it happens, have a big fat belly (I store my blubber elsewhere, thank you), but I was quite gobsmacked that she would say that so openly to an adult.
Through gritted teeth I managed to set my face into a massively insincere semblance of kind concern and say
“You know, making a personal statement like that is rather rude, my dear. Please do not speak to me in that way again. Do you understand? “
“Well, okay, but it’s just ‘cuz I thought you looked like you were really fat”
*writes lines furiously in head: I will not kick Five year olds, I will not kick Five year olds, I I I I will will will will not not not not kick kick….*
Schoolteacher.
{ 14 comments }
The cheek — a British child would never utter words like that! 😉 If it makes you feel any better, I’d get the fierce award at school too — I think it’s because of my accent.
Ooh, I’d have clipped her round the ear. Particularly since you’re enviably svelte, due to all that dancing. I think you should give her the DVD of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, scratched so that the only bit that plays properly is the Child-Catcher scene
This is why I told the kids’ school NOT to ask me to help in the classroom during my time-off-in-between-jobs, as I would undoubtedly be sent home with a note from the teacher saying “Must try harder”.
Of course you could have always ‘accidentally’ trod on her toes whilst organising the troops…?
LCM x
*Chuckle*
Love this. However, if anyone thinks you are fat, I will need to move to the Midwest or some other place that practices fat acceptance before I am forcibly removed from L.A. County. Thanks also for the link to Liberty London Girl. 🙂
All this bloody classroom volunteering can get quite wearing. However, most of the kids think I’m either weird or really scary because of my aaccent, and boy do I put on the old Julie Andrews voice when I need to.
Very funny. I too adhere to the notion that you can become whatever you want whenever you want, though for me to become a nurse would be out of the question. I have no bedside manner. ‘What do you mean you’re in pain? Have you tried childbirth?’ Although the uniform would be a plus.
After spending just one hour a week in my son’s 2nd grade class last year, I came to the same conclusion. Teaching is not for me. I don’t know how they stand it. I felt like Mary Poppins issuing orders in a clipped tone, must be a British thing.
Dreadful child.
ha ha ha your reaction is so cute and funny. i would have taken her by the ear….isnt it sad to think that kids probably learn these things from their parents? e brava for volunteering.
You are SO cute!! 😀
I could have never reacted to such a statement the way you did, although if you look at me, you WOULD feel that i’m carrying a baby in my tummy! 🙁
No manners! *sighs*
Loved that George Eliot quote on LLG’s post!
How rude!! Obviously never taught any manners 🙁
Ouch! how rude.
But, I remember having such a mortifying moment once when as a preteen I asked my friend’s mommy if there was a baby inside there.
But my question was all innocence. I genuinely wanted to know!
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