If you read my last post you’ll know that I was supposed to be in a log cabin putting a brave face on it just around now.
However, as luck would have it, Husband conceded this morning that one night in overly close quarters with the children who then woke us at 5.45am was more than enough roughing it for one weekend, and it would be just as well for us to sleep at home tonight. Later in the day I suggested he might have more fun at the sunset wedding ceremony and subsequent reception on the windy mountaintop if the children weren’t there complaining (meaning if I weren’t there complaining about my migraine), and I would selflessly volunteer to stay at home and look after them. Amazingly, he agreed to this so I got to stay at home, put the (very tired) infants to bed early and I am curled up happily with the cat, the computer and a pot of tea in my own bed.
SCORE!
But actually Husband is the smart one because he’s managed to get away from bitchy migraine wife from hell, ditched the whiny kids and gone to a free booze-up. And I’m even GRATEFUL for it.
Nuff respect.
I can’t quite escape my hideous headache enough to read a proper book or do any real writing, but I can just about skim through some blog posts and newspaper articles (ahem) and it was while doing this earlier that I came across a fascinating scoop by India Knight revealing the identity of the London call girl blogger Belle De Jour.
I hadn’t really read Belle de Jour’s blog before, and it is testimony to India’s writing rather than the subject matter that I was sucked in to reading all about her and clicking through to the blog, but once I was there I started thinking about this woman and what she had said, what she had done, why she decided to reveal her identity, and whether what she had to say had any kind of impact – positive or negative – on the way that we see prostitution, sex workers, female sexuality and power, yada yada yada..
The first thing that I thought was that her blog was a bit dull. I did click through quite a bit of the archive but none of it was particularly arresting. Maybe I was reading the wrong bits.
The second thing that struck me – REALLY struck me – was that despite the huge efforts to stay anonymous – until now when she comes out to a broadsheet and will no doubt hit the chat show circuit – was how much she clearly revels in the attention that being a celebrity hooker affords. She may have wanted to keep it separate in some way from her primary identity as Dr.Brooke Magnanti, but Belle is quite desperate for attention and wants to sell books, sell sex, sell opinions, and scream LOOK AT ME!! MEN WILL PAY A LOT OF MONEY TO SHAG ME!! in a quite astonishing and narcissistic way. I don’t buy that she just wanted to make some money, wanted some lovely shiny things and this was a discreet, possibly pleasurable way to make shitloads of money. The blog (so PUBLIC!) the book (EVEN MORE PUBLIC!) the newspaper articles (Come ON, now!) are begging us to peer, be part of her life and, what? Approve? Discuss? Not let her do this alone? No. It’s too grandiose.
I had a friend who used to be a prostitute. She said two things about that job that have always stayed with me. The first was that she rarely remembered how she spent her money, but she always remembered how she earned it. The second was that on the plus side everything that happened between her and a client – not only the sex acts but the psychological exchanges, small humiliations, subjugations of self etc. – were always in private, so there were no witnesses. This made it much easier to pretend that there were no hidden costs to her. The true price only came out years later and bit her on the arse.
I still get chills thinking about that.
No doubt Brooke will feel better when this is not a dirty secret any more and she doesn’t have to hide it. I can totally sympathise with that. But I don’t really think that the problem is going to be people going
“Eeeuw! You took money from some bloke for a blow job!”
I’m actually totally fine with that. I can think of a few shags I’d like to take back completely, actually, and seeing as I can’t, wouldn’t it be lovely to get a cheque in the post instead as compensation?
I think the problem is going to be
“Eeew! You worked as a hooker and then you wrote loads of books and articles glamourising it which turned you into a sort of virtual pimp for the call-girl industry.”
So, Brooke, I don’t know you, I barely was aware of you until today but that’s what I think:
You done pimped your own ho’ and made a lot of people think it was cool when really, it isn’t and it’s going to bite you hard on the arse one day.
{ 19 comments }
I have no idea who this woman is, I’ve never read her blog. Am I missing something….who cares? I find it all a little sad really and as you said she’s SCREAMING for attention and she will regret this. There’s obviously much hype surrounding this right now but once it dies down and the “crowds” have moved on, she will be left alone with the bare truth.
It upsets me that this one woman, playing the part of the “happy hooker,” mocks and disregards the distinct lack of choice and the profound abuse that the vast majority of prostitutes experience. If anyone doubts that prostitution dehumanizes women, go read Rebecca Mott’s blog. Her brutal honesty about the brutal sex trade and how it breaks people’s lives will make you weep. I heard her speak recently and did exactly that.
Spot on, Mothership. I’ve avoided this tiresome woman so far, but just had a look at her blog and I don’t really see what all the fuss is about. She writes competently, she’s self-obsessed and it’s only the sex bits that are mildly interesting. Dull porn for the literati set. If she’d rather be known for selling herself in flesh and in print, than for anything more worthwhile then she’s the one who’s got to live with it.
I have a friend who was a prostitute during her late teens, having been ‘introduced’ to it by a highly abusive boyfriend. She very rarely talked about the experiences she had in a grubby corner of Dalston but when she did, not once did she give the impression of anything other than the deeply disturbing and squalid nature of what she endured.
To this day we don’t discuss it, but it’s always there, the spectre of the unspeakable she wears about her. The true cost is something she can’t shake however hard she tries.
I’ve never read Belle’s blog (although I watched a couple of episodes of the TV serialisation with Billie Piper; it was amusing but silly) but I can’t believe she’s as sorted as she makes out. I think India hints at it in her article, but there must be something about her background that is incredibly screwed up. And, to be cynical, why ‘come out’ now? I know she says it’s because someone’s about to out her, but I think you’re right; she craves attention.
I did read belle’s book but found it curiously uninteresting, considering it was about sex. I’m not sure anyone can get out of prostitution with their psyche intact. Great post!
Excellent post.
Cant say I watched the TV thing, nor read the book. Non plussed either way. I’m sure most prostitutes would give their right arm to be out of that industry……not shove it down peoples throats.
Award for you at mine.
RMxx
i loved this post- youre right, at the moment she is being “praised” for coming out, but soon this is all going to die down and she will have regrets, the media, the internet hounds are very cruel.
what makes me very, very angry is that there are women in the sex industry who want to get out of it, but cannot; they are stuck, and for many, they are also stuck in the vicious cycle of poverty (Cambodia, India, Pakistan, Thailand, to name a few). And here is this lady who is glorifying it all. One of my favourite feminists, Catherine Mackinnon said that rape is when smthg is stolen but prostitution is smthg which is stolen and then sold.
Mothership, your analysis is spot on.
SPOT ON, mothership. Of COURSE there’s a price to pay, otherwise we’d all earn our money on our back, right? As Kate/Bob’s dad said in Blackadder series II: “oh, please go on the game! It’s a steady job, and you’d be working from home.” EXCEPT that you sell or destroy your soul in so doing. And what about the clients with cheese feet, breath like shit, etc – some of these men must be DISGUSTING.
OMG have just seen Carbonel in your recommended books list! WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS my childhood LOVE of Carbonel
So Lovely: Yes, she is going to be in big trouble with her soul one day. Uh oh.
Noble: I couldn’t agree more. And not only is it not representational, it’s highly suspicious. I just don’t believe her story. She’s full of shit. I read R. Mott’s blog on your recommendation and I LOVE IT. Added it to my blogroll, even. Thanks.
Keren. “Dull porn for the literati.” Ha ha! And how telling that THIS is what they make a TV series about with scantily clad young actresses when it comes to talking about prostitution. Honestly, I don’t recognise the cultural landscape from my own youth. Did we have a women’s movement at all? What did my mum burn her bra for? WTF??
The Divorcee: “The spectre of the unspeakable”. That is what my friend had about her, too. Even though she laughed about it, it was also ghastly. My heart aches for all trapped in this awful scene. And I want to KILL all the ghastly men who partake.
NVG. Yes, she’s DYING for attention. And that, in and of itself, speaks of damage. Why does she need us to know? Why can’t she just get on with her life? I mean we all like a bit of attention (says she, former pop star *coughcough*) but this is a very extreme way of getting it, and the costs are so high, not only to her. Not thought through (my least favourite thing).
Dulwich Divorcee. How could one’s psyche be intact when one has had to separate love from sex? Most of us have probably done that a little bit with a one nighter that didn’t work out (ugh!) or similar, but imagine doing that over and over, and then later meeting someone you DID love. How do you glue it back together without ‘performing’ and flashbacks. I don’t think so, baby puppy.
Rebel Mother. Oh Thank you so much for my award! I will go and get it, but must warn my crappy housekeeping extends to award putting up. Actually, I saw you did a bunch in one go, too, so you are prob. a bit like me. Very flattered, though. And yes, most people desperate to be OUT of that industry.
Shayma. How can they possibly praise her for coming out? What crazy world do we live in? “You told us all that being a prostitute was fun, safe and profitable, cleaned up on the book and tv royalties, and NOW, just to prove you’re not a construct and WE SHOULD ALL BELIEVE HOW GREAT IT IS TO BE A HOOKER, you’ve shown us that not only are you a high class whore, but you are a MD, too! Ladies, take note. Make sure you can fuck like a porn star, cook like Julia Childs, raise kids like Penelope Leach and STILL cure cancer while wearing Louboutins (which you will be able to afford because you shagged some rich bloke for them). We won’t judge you, we’ll PRAISE you. Except when we’re calling you a dirty bitch or an evil working mother or some other such denigrating female-only insult.
Sorry, got a bit ranty.
Yes, most women in the 3rd world sex industry stuck in it due to poverty and are sold like cattle and discarded as soon as they outlive their purpose. Disgusting.
Cassandra. Seriously! I think probably the sex part (at least ‘ordinary’ sex) is the least hideous bit of it. It’s the pretending to like someone, agree with everything they say, taking all their shit and putting up with the endless abuse and acting as if you love it that must destroy your soul. It gives me the shivers just thinking about it.
Oh, Carbonel! I named my first cat after him, and I also told everyone at school that my middle name was ‘black cat’ for several years. I still have some old books with my name and the initials B.C. in the middle.
I wanted to say thanks so much for this post, and for your reader’s very interesting and sensitive comments. I am honoured to be on your blogroll.
Whilst I do believe that Belle du Jour is craving for attention, I can sort of understand why, for prostitution is often only survivable by detachment, which can often include inventing an universe that make any abuse unimportant or just disappear.
I was inside sadistic violence when I was prostituted, but I imagine that it was sophisticated, that it was my choice. I imagine I enjoy “rough sex”.
I believe deeply that for the vast majority of women and girls that are inside prostitution, seeing the true situation would be too dangerous.
To see the hate that the vast majority of men who choose to buy girls and women for sex have – that is soul destroying.
To know that you are not a human, but an object for those men and throw away – that is soul destroying.
To survive that, detachment is vital, without that you become too vulnerable and open to violence and even murder.
That is the shadow that follows all prostitutes – whether high-class escorts or street prostitutes.
I do think that Belle du Jour will one day have to face the reality of what she has done.
I hope and prayer in the meantime, that none of her “clients” are too violent to her. For in all forms of prostitution, there can never be true safety. Not when prostitution is built on that men buy women and girls – which means they own them body and soul.
In that situation, the man can and will use any violence – sexual, mental and physical – knowing it is his right. Hasn’t he brought the goods, isn’t the costumer always right.
She is viewed as goods – not a human being – so her rights to safety and dignity have no importance.
This is true for all prostitutes – there is no safety net.
I am angry that she is glamorising escorting, for it does attract young women to see it as a valid option, without any consequences.
This is spreading in the student environment – the sex trade sees students as cheap labour who they use and throw away.
I live with trauma which I carried most of the time.
That is the reality of prostitution.
I choose to write and speak out my experiences and it’s consequences, because I cannot ever repair my past – but maybe my truth will prevent other women thinking that prostitution is just fun.
Comment part 2:
Yesterday morning a girl I work with, who is sweet, young and fairly open about her sex life (not often in a wholly palatable way, but gotta love the youf) posted a link to the afore-mentioned article on her Facebook page exclaiming ‘Belle reveals herself, love her!’.
It brought home, in a deeply sobering way, just how little she, and many others may have taken on board. I am not here to sit in judgement on Belle’s chosen path of financing her education. But overtly reinforcing what is a superficial stereotype of prostitution as a happy hobby, that just so happens to have financial benefits, has toxic subtexts and undercurrents for all those who aren’t so lucky to have been offered the option. (And possibly for those who do).
I am sure that Dr Brooke would argue, fairly eloquently, that she is not a spokesperson for all sex industry workers, but my my, she’s become a poster girl for it now, with her coming out, come- hither shots in negligees. ‘Look, I was paid for it, I enjoyed it, I am clever and I survived it!’.
The salacious nature of the subject makes it prone to irresponsible coverage-
I for one though do not want my daughter blindsided by the seeming glamour. The thought terrifies me.
As rmott said so heartbreakingly above, the true nature and violence is never actually far from the surface.
To have wittingly, or not(?) implied at an enjoyed complacency can only have succeeded in taking us back several rungs in a game of snakes and ladders that women seldom win.
A fabulous post MTFF, as always xx
Love your post (title is brilliant), and the eloquent comments, particularly the link to rMott, heartbreaking, the coercion of women into the sex trade is one of the worst human rights problems the world confronts, and whether this woman is or isn’t a “happy hooker” doesn’t change that. It is grea, however, to see the subject of the sex trade being debated.
I wanted to stir the pot a little though, as I sense here and in other blogocomments, the age old specter of women railing against other women. I hear people expecting that she will come to her senses to feel herself sullied and dirtied by her acts. I hear people assuming or even hoping that she has “an excuse” in an abused past. Maybe this is or will be so, but maybe she is exactly as she presents herself. An ordinary woman who has had lots of sex with lots of men and doesn’t feel guilty about it or damaged by it. If this is true is she somehow less of a woman, not part of the sisterhood? Are we not just calling her a slut?
I also wonder if the old double standard is at work here too, the notion that nice women should not enjoy casual sex, or to be able to separate sex from love. If this was an educated, handsome, young gay man who had done the same thing, would we have such a hard time accepting his story at face value?
Rebecca, thank you so much for coming and commenting here and for putting forward your experiences. This is brave and valuable.
Divorcee. I am so sad to hear that these young women actually believe the hype that BdJ has stirred up in the name of narcissism. What a load of bollocks!
on that note;
GeekyMummy: I am not sure that here, at least, there are women railing against women because she is someone who is enjoying sex with a lot of men. Or that we are calling her a slut. She is perfectly free to do either without any condemnation. If she was just out having a lot of sex ON HER OWN TERMS then that would be just fine and dandy by me. But she’s not. She’s having sex on other people’s terms and accepting cash for it and then claiming that this was ‘her choice’. That is like when conscripted men come back from a war and claim that being on the front line was their choice, great because of the camaraderie and they liked shooting guns.
And I think I’d have the same issues with gay male prostitute. This isn’t about her gender, it’s about her profession and the misconceptions that are being spread.
The more I think about this story the more uncomfortable it makes me. There are a myriad reasons for that, but here are two of them;
1. By ‘coming out’ in this way Dr Magnanti has very effectively renewed interest in her blog and her book in a way that can only result in higher page views and more sales and which will – ultimately – result in more cash in her bank account. She may have been seeking ‘closure’ then, but this whole exercise has also resulted in financial gain. (At which, I suppose, we shouldn’t be suprised).
2. She does not seem to have considered the impact her ‘prostitution-lite’ story will have on impressionable young girls. Whilst she remained anonymous, and faceless she was not a poster girl for anything. Now, though, young girls will look at her; beautiful, highly educated, apparantly smart, well groomed and seemingly in control, and think ‘look what prostitution can bring you. If she can do it, can it be so bad?’
Unfortunately most of them won’t get to read rmott’s comment for the answer to that.
Potty Mummy, you are so right. It’s a very, very disturbing thing.
I read an article in Newsweek where a (not very young but seemingly monumentally stupid and impressionable journalist) touted her as a ‘feminist icon’. WTF? I rarely comment on news articles as I don’t want to add my voice to the usual rollcall of nutjobs that leave irrelevant rants there, but I had to point out that she was batshit crazy and also, um, WRONG. The world has gone mad.
Brooke, you have a lot to answer for.
MS, I see your point. I was thinking from the perspective of BDJ’s personal right to do with her body and earn her money as she pleases, since I have a friend who like BDJ is an academic and writer who has escorted and stripped and currently works as a fetish model. I support her choices and related her experiences to BDJ’s. The big difference is that my friend is not putting her choices out in the media as a spokesperson for her “industry” in this money and fame seeking way. Personal choices are one thing, profiting from the public endorsement of a shameful destructive industry is quite another. I stand corrected.
thanks, GM for coming back and saying that. I was absolutely not condemning BdJ for being a prostitute. I was condemning her for being a pimp.
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