Fruit of Intention

I‘ve been thinking about apples and trees and where the fruit falls.
They say it’s not far, the inference unflattering.
We also know that chips come off the old block.
This is supposed to be a good thing (at least for the block.)
Does this mean that if you are hacked and hewn, made to conform
All will be proud, applaud, approve?
But if you grow and ripen to the shape of your nature,
warming your skin in the low pink sun
rolling in a  roundabout way to settle beneath the sheltering bough
It may reflect badly on you both.
What I want to know, is why?

I have been in bed for a few days recuperating from what the Americans call
‘a procedure’. For those of you who speak English that means an operation.

The hospital trip  was not really my funnest day ever, but on the bright side they did send me home with some BIG FUCK OFF PILLS and it was great stuff being legally high as ass for two days courtesy my insurance company.
Plus I got to miss the most dreaded Kindergarten birthday party of the year at Chuck-E-Cheese – almost worth having surgery to avoid that particular circle of hell, wouldn’t you say?   Now, however, I’m having to make do with Tylenol and abject boredom. I’m not quite strong enough to be up and about for more than an hour at a time or so, but not so out of it that I can sleep very much, so I am reading, writing (sort of), internet shopping and trying to maintain a sense of serenity and positive intention about my own life and direction.

On the recommendation of some of you lovely readers I attempted  to buy Natasha Walter’s new book Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism on Amazon. It was not currently available, but there was a review by someone who called himself ‘the anti feminist’ leaving a long diatribe about how feminism was all just a bunch of unattractive women past their sexual prime who were jealous of young pretty girls who were all gagging to shag men. Any men. Probably especially that man who wrote the very clever and insightful review.

*cue massive Clunk as serenity takes severe dent*

Five came home this afternoon with lip gloss in a fake (pink) plastic cellphone from another party in her favour bag and preened in front of the mirror for ten minutes with it while I gritted my teeth and tried not to be a spoilsport.

Clank

Upon returning from packing up his parents’ house a couple of weeks ago, Husband told me he had discovered some fairly foundation-shaking family secrets. We talked about them a bit although not too much because he, actually I really don’t know. Something.
Yesterday it emerged that actually he’d known for over a year but just hadn’t mentioned it as it hadn’t seemed relevant.  I was aghast; to me this is  EMOTIONAL FRONT PAGE NEWS.

“Why didn’t you tell me something so huge and important?”

“You didn’t ask”

“But how should I know to ask something that you had no idea about for 40 years either?”

*Shrugs, does internal vanishing act*

THUNK

In my hurt I said that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, and by that I meant that he clearly was as good as keeping shtum as his family before him and not in a good way.
A bit later I realised that I, like certain members of my family, find it almost impossible not to cross-question those close to me about their emotional life and want to examine it from every angle (how did I end up with Husband?? This actually material for a thesis, most likely. Good thing I am not an academic). I generally regard this curiosity a healthy and indeed fascinating aspect of my personality, but given how private he is, was this any less offensive or upsetting to him?

In other words, did Husband need to keep some things to himself because that is the culture of his clan? And was I unable to dismiss that because of the dissecting culture of mine?

Food for thought. An apple, perhaps..

As my serenity was clearly taking a day off I decided to call upon positive intention and fortunately it came to my rescue.
I decided that ultimately, in some very profound way none of these things were important right now, none was my drama and if I created one I was merely taking positive attention and intention away from what I am supposed to be doing which is getting better so I can get on with the things that are important to me and these are:

• Loving my family (not arguing with them)
• Living life as fully, joyously and creatively as possible
• Dancing, writing, making music,
• Baking CAKES and eating them
• Building up a prosperous business
• Deepening existing friendships and creating new ones:
• Having great sex (oh come on, we ALL want that and if you don’t, wake the fuck up!)
• Traveling,
• Giggling
• Having unexpected magical adventures.
• Leaving my burdens behind and walking unencumbered into the light.

What is important to you? Where is your positive intention going to take you today?

Tweet