Time Warp, Mr. Sulu

I am supposed to be working. I’ve got a little commission to do some space-themed music and I am in transports of ecstasy flipping through all the bizarre sound effects and odd synths that were too weird for most of my commercial work but  I had earmarked and set aside for just such a project as this.  In my little studio I have the distinct sense that I am floating through another galaxy, far, far away from the everyday humdrum of Stepford.

At least I was this morning.

I have just been to a ‘volunteer appreciation lunch’ which was held by the PTA to thank all the parents who have contributed time in the classroom and extra-curricular programs, and also in the not inconsiderable fundraising achievements that make our little elementary school so special.

I have, as you might know if you are a regular reader, spent an hour a week in Six’s Kindergarten class helping little groups of children read, write, cut and paste various projects and I’ve also done a fair amount of separating-for-talking-too-much-ing, walk-don’t-run-please-ing, sit-properly-on-your-chair-ing, and we-don’t-throw-scissors-at-our-friends-do-we?-ing.

That has been most satisfying if a little trying at times.

However I was slightly nervous of attending the volunteer lunch,basically because I have a dread of large groups of people with whom I might have to make small talk, and also because there would be a good chance I’d be bored out of my mind.

But I was wrong about that.

I’d put my emotional response closer to horrified.

I actually thought it would be good for me to pop round to eat a spot of lunch with the other (mostly) ladies – I needed to give my ears a rest from blips and bleeps -so I whizzed over to school and into the library where tables were laid with delightful place mats hand painted by the children and bowls of salad and sandwiches were laid out for us to help ourselves.

I sat  beside a woman and her four year old daughter who I did not know, and started to chat companionably  enough.
A couple of other women joined us and within about three minutes the lot of them were talking about their favourite teachers and who they did and didn’t like which was slightly rude considering many of the teachers were actually in the room.

Then the mother of the small girl got up, grabbed several cookies and started stuffing them in her mouth while saying to us all

“Oh, I’m so FAT! I should never have come and broken my diet but I’m addicted to sweet things, now I’ll have to starve myself as punishment”

Her daughter watched with big round eyes.

I said gently that I thought she looked just fine, and wouldn’t it be better to enjoy her cookie, let her little girl enjoy her cookie and not beat herself up about it. Also, did we want to teach our kids that food is a source of punishment? She blithely said that she would NEVER teach her kids anything like that, she just didn’t like to be FAT herself.

Four year old continued to watch and listen, gravely.

I bit my tongue.

The table moved on to discussing what we each did as volunteers. I said I worked in the classroom and that was what I liked to do – teach children- I was more of a child-friendly kind of person than the casserole baker or fundraiser type.

The same woman said

“Oh well, it’s easy enough in Kindergarten, but they’re so smart by 6th grade (11 years old) that we’ll all have to give up because the  math will be too hard for us!”

And the worst thing was that everyone else at the table except me laughed approvingly and agreed.

AAGGHHHH!!!

Listen, I happen to know that one of these women has a Phd in mechanical engineering and SHE LAUGHED, TOO!

WTF is happening?

Is it something in the water?

Beam me up, Scottie, there’s no intelligent life down here