An Unseasonal Gift

by Mothership on September 15, 2009

For the first time in forever I have the house to myself, my studio/office is tidy and ordered and I have a full day stretching ahead with only my own agenda to fill. This much anticipated day should be blissful and productive and yet I am uneasy and agitated, not sitting comfortably within my skin.

My father was here over the weekend. It was the first time he had visited for over a year, the last time having been less than wildly successful, at least from my perspective.

It’s hard to put my finger on why I find his presence so unsettling. He is a most beloved parent and I look forward to seeing him with a keen longing, but once he is here I am gripped with a profound sense of uneasiness; I can feel the return of an earlier incarnation of myself wake up from where I had carefully put her to bed and much as I want to keep the peace and have an enjoyable couple of days I cannot help but agitate and poke and I find myself wanting to let him know, in ways both direct and subtle, that he did not do such a sterling job in my earlier years. I am further provoked into churlish awkwardness and resentment when he mentions how well his other two, much younger daughters are doing, with such foolish fondness and blissful unawareness of the gaping differences in the continuing care lavished upon them versus the relative neglect and difficulties I suffered as a result of his and my mother’s appallingly handled divorce and his subsequent remarriage and total immersion into his new partner’s family.

It has a funny Cinderella vibe about it. But in this case Dad and his new family got to go to the ball in fancy frocks, having a fabulous time while I drifted around like a grumpy pumpkin, sweeping my resentment under the carpet where it moulded and festered growing feet and a dark soul, waiting to bite everyone when they came home to drink merry cups of cocoa and congratulate themselves on their cheery good fortune. Even now, decades later they are still jollying along in their prosperous way attending prestigious colleges, having high-flying jobs, being Busy and Important and making plans for large family Christmases – my step-mother’s large family Christmases – where no fewer than twenty of them/us will congregate in four generations under a tree obscenely laden with trinkets and gifts and all will sing FalalalalalalalalalalalalalallalaaAGHHGGGG.

But I’m not going.

Not because I’m not invited. I am. I’m asked every year.

I’m not going because I still haven’t gotten over being a grumpy pumpkin and although everyone is always very nice to me, I’m not really quite part of that family. I’m still the child from the first marriage.

The starter child.

Like the first pancake you make that didn’t quite turn out right and the other, subsequent ones are so much nicer, and they don’t say awkward, rude things, or remind you of your bitter failures.

Who can blame the chef? (Apart from me, I mean. I obviously do.)

For many years I had suppressed and rationalised the disappointment. I got used to being second best. I tried not to look too hard or mind too much and kept a civil distance from them all. But when I had children of my own I somehow, foolishly perhaps, thought the slate would be wiped clean again and my beautiful, perfect offspring would be irresistible because there would be no history there to taint the relationship.

But only the other day Five asked me why her granddad had never come to see her for Christmas.

I could have told her what he told me, that he was committed to going to the UK with his wife and other children every year because her elderly mother was unable to travel (the unspoken message being that we are waiting for her to die) but as I feel that this is only the latest in a thirty year line of unsatisfactory excuses I did not repeat it.

I just said I didn’t know.

“Perhaps he doesn’t love us enough.” She said sadly.

A dagger through the heart.

She spoke my thoughts of the last three decades that I never had the courage to voice out loud.

“Oh, I don’t think it’s that” I said lightly, my heart turned quite black

“I think Grandad doesn’t understand that he is making a choice that will have some consequences for him.”

“What kind of consequences?” she wanted to know.

“That you will be sad, and maybe angry, and that I will be sad, too, and perhaps we will stop asking him one day. Then he will never have Christmas with his grandchildren. I don’t know whether he will be happy with that, but as you know, choices have consequences.”

Five thought about this for a bit.

“I don’t think that Grandad went to Kindergarten so he probably doesn’t get it.”

I had to suppress a wild giggle. My father, who spent his professional life advising world leaders has been summarily brought down to size and into sharp focus by my small daughter.

He’s clueless. He has no idea. He doesn’t get it.

How liberating! I felt immediately released from the usual angst and regret that accompanies the joy of seeing him.

And while it’s a little sad to think that we won’t have him here for Christmas, I don’t need to make that about me. It’s about him and his problems and his constraints and issues. My Dad can’t compensate for my lost childhood Christmases anyway– that’s all in the past.
But my Five and Two year old’s Dad – sweet Husband – will be here for their Christmas, and that’s the present.

My Christmas present.

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Saturday Night (Former) Lives

by Mothership on September 12, 2009

If I were sensible I’d go to bed now instead of staying up courting Sunday morning regret, but I feel irresistibly drawn to my blog to say hello to all my virtual friends, as the last few weeks seem to have been unreasonably filled with an excess of real life and my quiet computer moments have been unjustly kept from me.

This, of course,  is not quite fair as mostly I have been having a rollicking good time with a beloved friend from England, now returned, and also my dear Papa has been visiting this weekend  from Washington DC which has been much anticipated and enjoyed by all members of the family, but I must confess I’m looking forward to Monday when I can send everyone back to work/school/nursery and have the house to myself again.

Many people claim to have been Cleopatra or other significant historical figures in their former lives:

I make no such claim.

It is quite clear to me that I was one of those grubby hermits who lived in a cave and shouted at people to go away when they came near, only accepting offerings of food in exchange for not placing curses on their offspring. I would wear some sort of animal skin taken from the carcass of an unfortunate beast that I had hunted with a handmade bow and arrow and then roasted on my fire. No, actually I can’t see myself doing that. I think I accepted blankets and clothes (good quality, clean and pressed) from the same anxious people who left me casseroles. I would have a nice comfy bed made of straw and I would have tamed many adorable critters who would be my friends but wouldn’t disturb me when I was trying to think and would never ask me to do any washing up or laundry and were generally silently supportive of all my hermit-projects and dreams. If I wanted to do any kind of cave improvements they would assist me in gathering supplies and be helpful and appreciative of my efforts, and if I happened to quote any of my hermit poetry at them they would snuggle closer and grow misty-eyed with animal emotion.
Oh yes! It was a fine former life! I am sure that this is who I was. My predilection for solitude and self-sufficiency points inevitably this way.

Either that or I was a tortoise.

The good thing about being a tortoise is that you can go to sleep wherever you are and you don’t have to walk very far to get home or worry about getting a cab or driving drunk etc. I wonder how that works, though, if you want high speed internet? How can you be guaranteed good reception? Do you have to be permanently roaming with one of those little card thingies sticking out of your shell? Or would you just have a turtlephone?

So many questions! And so little time because I am falling asleep on the computer (Sunday morning beckons despite my denial) and unlike my tortoise (former or future life?) I do have to walk a few steps to my bed and will no doubt be joined in it by Two and Five much sooner than I would normally choose.

Goodnight, lovely friends!

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Nine, nine, Oh nine.

by Mothership on September 9, 2009

Nine, nine, Oh nine.

It’s the ninth day of the ninth month in 2009 and I haven’t posted for ages and ages. This is partly because I had a friend from England to stay, one who has known me for an unmentionable number of years, and every spare moment was devoted to squeezing in as much fun as we possibly could before she had to go home again.

Now she is gone and I am trying not to slip into the slough of despond.

I am failing.

Nine, nine, Oh nine.

This morning Husband left very early on a day-long business trip and neglected to pack the children’s lunches or tidy up the dishes from last night as per our pact, so after being awoken to the wailing banshee of Two at 6am I came in to find utter kitchen chaos which left me almost breathless with irritation.

Things went downhill from there.

The boy went berserk because I wouldn’t give him a bottle of milk. He has recently had a tummy bug and all dairy goes immediately and odorously through him which is most unpleasant for all concerned. However he is not yet at the stage of accepting this unfortunate cycle himself so he threw himself on the floor and howled at top volume and hit viciously at my ankles while I tried, grimly, to make tea.

Nine, nine, Oh nine.

I hoped that our incredibly nosy neighbour was not listening at this hour. Apparently on Monday, the day my friend left, Two threw such a tantrum in the garden when I took her to the airport (a bottle and mummy denial combo deal) that the said neighbour actually called the police and claimed that a child was being beaten on our property.  They turned up, took one look at Husband, Five and Two and left again – by that stage Two was happily giggling and playing in the sandpit, but we were slightly alarmed that he could shout that loud, and that our neighbour has moved on from merely phoning the cops when we a) have a party or b) play the stereo too loud (above number 3 on the dial)   – he gets the Sherriff round on some pretext or other every couple of weeks and it’s driving us mad. He’s on to a new one now  with crying child complaints which may or may not get us a visit from social services. No matter that there are no fewer than six children under five who live within three houses of his, four of them living between him and us. There is the consolation that if he keeps up the frequency of the calls  we might get a restraining order on him as a nuisance caller which would be deeply satisfying.

No, I am not going to do this and then point burglars his way.  *coughkarmicjusticecough*

Nine, nine, Oh nine.

I have all these fabulous plans for the autumn which include classes for me, raising my business from a dormant state to a thriving, moneymaking venture again, polishing my attitude until it shines, sorting out the garage, throwing away all my clothes that I don’t like, making sure Five gets a good start at school, healthy eating for the whole family, rekindle the romance in my marriage etc.

So far, though, I’ve only managed to rewire my studio and install Snow Leopard into my Mac. It’s slow going.

Nine, nine, Oh nine.

Husband told me tonight he felt I was “Trying to force him into a part time career” by asking him to help care for his children. He said that  other people his age were moving ahead with their careers, traveling, being noticed, being published, and that this was a critical time, a critical age for anyone and that because I asked him to come home twice per week at either 6 or 5.30, depending on my dance class time I was preventing him from having this fabulous opportunity.
I sat speechless for a minute. Had he not noticed that I was the same age as him and that my ‘career’ was going, let’s see, um NOWHERE because I am, um, let’s see, CARING FOR HIS CHILDREN??

AGHHH! So unfair! Not only am I not getting to do what I want, but I’m being blamed for him not getting the career he wants, and as far as I can see I gave up mine so he could have his and he still doesn’t like it or think it’s enough. How did this happen? I didn’t exactly mean to be in this position. I didn’t really want to be stuck in Stepford for six years, where there is no real job opportunity for a person like me, especially not part-time with two little ones, and everything I do seems to be grossly unappreciated. I’m a city girl, I want to be in a real metropolis with my own kind, not in this sleepy burg where I am an alien and I sink a little deeper every day into housewife hell. I worry some days that I will implode.

Nine, Nine, Oh Nine.

Roll on Ten.

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First days of K

by Mothership on August 28, 2009

The first day went well.

Five, Two and I walked to school leaving plenty of time, which was just as well considering the high dawdle factor.  On our way we saw a wild rabbit on the hillside against the school fields which we all took as a Very Good Sign. As we approached the classroom Five started to look a bit anxious and asked if any of her old friends would be in her class. I told her that although she didn’t know anybody yet, the good thing was that everyone was new and nobody else had been to big school, either. She didn’t say anything but her little brow softened slightly.

Parents with videos and cameras milled about the classroom snapping pictures of their precious progeny. Two swaggered straight in and made himself comfortable on a diminutive easy chair and fiddled about with a puppet show. Five put her backpack in her cubby and clutched on to my hand. There were twenty coloured squares of carpet on the floor laid out in a rectangle in front of the teacher’s chair, each with a child’s name written upon it.  We were to escort our Kindergartners to their places, hug them briefly and leave precisely at 8.15 when Mrs. K rang the bell.

I wasn’t sure I could do it.

Was Kindergarten really mandatory? Couldn’t we just slip off to Starbucks instead? Maybe when teacher wasn’t looking we could just sneak out the back and..

Dingalingalingaling!

CRAP! Too late!

Somewhat woeful of heart, but with a bright, maternal smile I took her to her carpet square (orange, at the back), gave her a big kiss and wished her luck, snatched up Two who howled indignantly, thinking he was going to be staying, and scuttled out the classroom so I wouldn’t shame her with my tears.

***walks calmly and briskly in manner of mafia hitman toward parking lot, never looking back. Reaches parking lot**

Mothership: ” Wahhh Boo hoo Sob !”

Two: “Mummy sad? Kiss?”

Mothership” Oh, thank you.Yes, little bit sad, but I’m fine now. Sister’s gone to big school”

Two: (hopefully) “Cake?”

Mothership; “Yes, that’s a good idea, let’s have some cake”

We took ourselves out for some cake which was not entirely successful for me as Two, it turned out, didn’t really see eye to eye with me on sharing the enormous piece of coffee cake I bought us and threw a wobbly if I dared even to look at it , although he did end up sharing a fair proportion of his slice with the chair and the floor. Nonetheless we had a comforting outing and  in a scant few hours we returned to fetch Five from school.

Husband surprised us by turning up at home time with flowers and presents and an offer of a restaurant lunch which was very welcome. Once again the parent paparazzi were out in full force and the emerging five year olds had more pictures taken than Brangelina at movie premiere. Five came out with her backpack and a first day of Kindergarten star and her teacher told us she’d done very well and enjoyed herself. Such a relief!  We tried over lunch to get information from Five herself about what she’d done that day but the most we could wrestle was that she’d pledged allegiance to the flag and eaten her snack. Hm. Ok.
But to my delight and surprise, later that day I got an email from her teacher – in a State-funded school in budget strained California! Very impressed..,

Five had a great first day!  Great listener, participated and followed directions and worked hard on both of our morning “jobs” at the tables today.
She also seemed to have fun at play time- I saw her talking and playing with several of the girls.
Looking forward to a great year!
– Mrs.K

Today I took her in again, hoping for as successful a second day as the first.
First order of business, empty small bladder. Upon escorting her to the loo I discovered that she appeared to have forgotten to put on her knickers that morning.

Oh dear.

After a swift consultation with Mrs. K I ran home to fetch her a pair and returned, breathless, 15 minutes later to find the class jumping up and down on their squares singing along from 1 – 20 with a rock and roll CD. I don’t remember anything like that from my far off school days.

However, later, apparently, Five had a misunderstanding with Mrs.K over completing a task. The children were each asked to draw something they were curious about.
Five said she was curious about saving the planet (that’s my girl!) and wanted to draw a picture of planet earth. She drew a circle and tried to draw in continents but couldn’t quite manage it. Mrs.K tried to help her but teacher’s efforts were considered subpar and thus erased. Then Mrs. K suggested she start over or perhaps draw a flower on another piece of paper but Five was outraged by the suggestion that a pathetic flower could possibly replace her artistic vision of planet saving passion so she dug her heels in and refused ( I can see the cloudy expression of obstinacy  on her face now).  Being only five, she lacked the requisite communication skills to tell Mrs. K that she felt the earth would be in peril if she didn’t get the illustration right and she was devastated by her inability to render a perfect image of the globe so her teacher merely saw a sulking, angry Kindergartner who wouldn’t cooperate. Five was given the choice to finish her task (flower or planet) or else she would have to stay in for recess.

She stayed in for recess.

Poor Five! On her second day!

She tripped out of school looking woeful and Mrs. K explained (kindly) what had happened. I took Five to the car where she promptly threw a massive, tearful wobbly  and I arrived home with a very upset and unhappy little girl. Some lunch and a glass of lemonade later she felt a bit better and I managed to get her side of the story out of her. Apart from saying several times that she hated Mrs.K which I didn’t take very seriously, she mainly expressed frustration at not being able to draw well enough and sadness at not having done her work properly. We decided that over the weekend we’d practice drawing pictures of the planet and on Monday she’d take one in and explain why it was so important to her to get this particular image right and that she’d decided to practice on her own. I don’t think that Mrs.K will really care that much one way or the other, but I think it’s important to Five to overcome her feeling that she failed at something that mattered to her and also that she is not a powerless victim in the relationship with her teacher. She can take action and show that she has strengths of her own, both to her teacher and to herself. Husband disagrees with me and thinks we should step back and be more low-key about it and it will blow over, but I can’t help but think, having observed Five and her struggles all summer, that this is something that she needs help with and it’s best to get in there early and give her a hand before she sets herself on a pattern that will not serve her well all through her life. I know that he is her dad and as such has a say in the way we raise her, but I really think this might be a case of ‘mother knows best’.

Of course this could all be giant projection of my own school trauma (as referred to in just about every post for the last few weeks) and it will all blow over in no time at all.

What do you think? Am I doing the right thing by monitoring it closely and helping her reframe her experience or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

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(Gettin’) Down with Skool

by Mothership on August 26, 2009

In the morning she will start big school.

I am undone.

Just a few minutes ago I brought back a tiny, squalling bundle from the hospital and the years of leisurely, unformed days stretched ahead of us with no end in sight, or at least not one that could be imagined until today when we visited her classroom and met her teacher, a pleasant but firm lady whose steely glint beneath her coral smile made me feel as if I’d been naughty already and the bell hasn’t even rung yet.

Oh GOD!

I will be blubbering after I leave her there tomorrow, I just know it. And Husband, in his furrow-browed way, will want to give me a lecture on how I should feel glad that she’s growing up and learning which is how he feels about it, blah blah blah and then I will want to kill him, which is most unfair as I’d really rather just experience the sweet sorrow of parting rather than adding murderous rage into the mix.

We came home with a packet of documents and instructions for tomorrow that have made me feel quite faint with horror. It’s bad enough that poor old Five has to go to school every day and cram the multiplication tables and long division into a brain that would rather think about rabbits eating chocolate pies on cloud rockets (verbatim) but now it appears that I am going to be forced to fill in forms and be made to feel inadequate and guilty on a near-daily basis , thus reliving my own early educational experience all over again.

Is it that there is no justice in this world, or is it some kind of divine retribution?

I often feel that other people can see through my rather flimsy veneer of normality and inadequate attempts to conform to social norms (a bit like those aliens in Men in Black who find it hard to contain themselves in human form when a particularly delicious insect flies by or similar ) so sometimes I make rather wild and rash choices – call it a valiant, nay pathetic, attempt to cover up my innate weirdness.  Today, when confronted by blackboards and earnest parents who will get their children to school on time and already know what they’re having for dinner tonight (may even have bought it already), I decided to up the ante and in a stunning display of foolish bravado with a side of “she  just didn’t think things through” I volunteered to  be a classroom helper every Wednesday morning.

Husband looked at me, his jaw gaping. What was I doing? Hadn’t I just been talking about how much I was looking forward to getting some time away from the little ones after a summer of non-stop kiddie-madness? And what was I planning on teaching them? How to be scathing about AmericaniZed grammar (what gave him that idea? But now that he mentioned it I could give them a few pointers..)  Have a bit of a rant about “Ten items or LESS/FEWER” (naturally).
He might have had a point about getting away from the children. I had been. But now Five was nearly GONE I was pathetically scrabbling at the door like a dog left out during Christmas dinner. I needed to see how she would do in the class. Get to be a spy and know her friends, and perhaps learn something – how not to hate school, perhaps? I could do with a few pointers there.

Tonight we prepared for the big day tomorrow:
Five laid out her clothes for the morning and was then discovered putting them on before she went to sleep. Excited? A bit.
I made her snack for school, filled in all the forms, located her new backpack, made sure there were batteries in the camera and laid the breakfast table. Then I had a nervous breakdown but I’m better now.
Husband lay on the couch and read a book I’d ordered on Amazon for myself.
Two had a bubble bath, and as I took him out and put him into his pajamas I told him his sister would be starting big school, what did he think?

“Cookies, candy, cake.” he said, confidentially.  And after some consideration

“Cup of tea. Kiss”

The boy is a genius.

Off to fill the prescription now.

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Daredevil

by Mothership on August 21, 2009

Five high dive

I never put photos of my children on the blog.

However I am making an exception in this case because you would never be able to identify the wild, crazed sea-monkey that is Five, who yesterday (quite of her own volition), climbed up the twenty-tw0 steps to the high-diving board at the university pool and threw herself into the water with gleeful abandon.

This is a child who cannot yet swim properly on her own.

Her swimming teacher (the one all the mothers are drooling over, though not me of course, I’m above all that sort of thing *ahem*) said admiringly to me;

“That’s quite a little daredevil you have there!”

Yes she is! I’m so impressed.

And despite her astonishing fits of temper and recent rudeness I am so very proud and delighted to have this fearless, hilarious, clever, curious, inventive, loving, mercurial, incandescent presence in my life.

P.S. I would say sorry for my unashamed boasting, but that would be a lie.

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Last of the summer wine

by Mothership on August 20, 2009

Last night we had a very pleasant barbeque at our house with A Modern Mother and her charming family who were passing through Stepford.
It was so pleasant that I unwisely drank a few glasses of red wine around the fire-pit while our collective children (five of them) had great fun dismantling all the furniture in the upstairs bedroom. I do not, as a rule, drink any kind of alcohol as it clashes horribly with my migraines – I tend to get crushing pain before I have any fun – but I chewed down a few pills and seemed to be just fine until I woke up at 3.30am with terrifying nightmares of Two plunging to his death from high bridges and couldn’t get back to sleep until 6am which was when he woke up in real life and the day just went downhill from there.

Five starts kindergarten next week – a huge milestone for both of us. I had hoped that these last few days of the summer holidays would provide us both with some final cherished memories of the preschool years, the library story times together, the imaginative play, the last vestiges of her babyishness before she goes off and becomes a big girl at big school and shakes off this stage of her life.

But things are not going according to plan.

She has decided to enter adolescence a few years early and spends much of her time rolling her eyes at me, shouting at the whole family, unprovoked, and making scathing comments about almost anything I might suggest

“Would you like some lunch?”

“NO! I SAID I’m NOT HUNGRY!!”

oh, ok then.

“Shall we go to the library today or would you prefer the zoo?”

“OH! WHY do you ALWAYS ASK ME THAT?? I’M SICK OF BOOKS AND ANIMALS!!!”

oh. ok then.

“Please can you not be rude to me, Five. I don’t like that kind of behaviour.”

“FINE!” bursts into inconsolable tears.

This happens approximately 20 times per day. The rest of the day she’s lovely and charming. We’re baffled. I even went so far as to ring a child psychologist to make an appointment which I will keep but she assured us that most of this sounded developmental and that Five was mostly annoyed that I was beginning to show clay feet – life had a bit of pain in it and as her mother, I was failing to protect her from it all as I had previously been able to do. Not only that, but as I was setting boundaries (shockingly denying chocolate for breakfast) I was actually the AGENT of pain. That is why I am the meanest mom on the planet.

Why was I not warned about this? More stuff that nobody tells you about!! What’s coming next?! OMG?!

I was so sure that I was going to have the patience of a saint and that my little girl was not going to feel like this about me, but look at her! She is furious and I feel completely useless in the face of her rage. And actually I am fairly annoyed myself and would like her to shut up and snap out of it but of course I don’t say this.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to.

Do any of you have temperamental children like this?
What do you do?
(apart from take to drink – I think we’ve ascertained this is not a good option for me)

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Reeling and Writhing and Fainting in Coils

by Mothership on August 17, 2009

“Oh my GOD!”

I hear you say

“I can’t believe she’s gone and done another one of those fucking Me-me-me-me-memes!”

Don’t we know enough about her knicker drawer and the contents of her fridge by now?

But wait! Before you click away in disgust, it’s okay because this one is LITERARY and therefore BRAINY and CLEVER and not-at-all-egotistical, or if it is, it’s going to be smartly disguised in delightful language and sly allusions and witty banter.
Furthermore it was sent on to me by NappyValleyGirl who is so lovely and unassuming that it can’t be the same sort of pompous self-aggrandising platform-whoring twaddle that I have been witnessing on Twitter from certain “authors” who can’t write poo on a lavatory wall, yet feel free to lecture the rest of us on our principles when their own are neither cohesive nor based in any kind of defendable position..

Oops! Did I veer off topic? Sorry.

Back to me.

This list of questions actually made me stop and think quite hard, which was a very creaky, dusty affair.

Which words do you use too much in your writing?
This seems to be a trick question. I’m not sure I like the tone of it at all. In fact, I consider it to be rather rude! Who are you anyway? Which words do YOU use too much, Mr. Sentence? If absolutely pushed, I might concede the word ‘however’.
However, that is with the caveat that I am a fair minded person who likes to present all sides of an argument so surely that is to my credit.

Hmmph.

Which words do you consider overused in stuff you read?
We can start immediately, now that you mention it, with the word ‘stuff’. What exactly is ‘stuff’, and why can’t better sentences be constructed without resorting to general blanket words like ‘stuff’ and ‘things’? I also particularly dislike it when coupled with the word ‘bunch’ as a collective noun. “A bunch of stuff”. Very common here in the US and it gives me the shudders.

Harrrummph!

Oh dear. Not off to a good start, are we, meme?

What’s your favourite piece of writing by you?
This is a hard question. I tend to like whatever I’ve just written, but then I go back and see other things later that still resonate. How about this?

What blog post do you wish you’d written?
I love this post. So very funny. But I suspect it won’t be quite as hilarious when I really need it.

What is the strangest thing you have ever been asked to write about?
I had to write a leaflet for the Fairtrade organisation promoting their products (then coffee, tea and chocolate) but do the entire thing without mentioning the words coffee, tea or chocolate.
The very oddest thing is that nobody would tell me why, and if I pressed them they would become angry and shout at me. It was like being in an Ionesco play. In the end I just turned in some drivel and felt grateful that I was working for an agency on salary.. Then shortly after I quit.

Name three favourite words…
incandescent, marine, heffalump.
And all together. Oh! The incandescent marine heffalump is rarely seen, but its presence can be detected by the trails of gently glowing sea-peanut shells left on the ocean floor…

And three words you’re not so keen on?
Any noun that is incorrectly turned into a verb by adding ‘ize’ to the end. That is more than three.

Do you have a writing mentor, role model or inspiration?
I love Margaret Atwood. I have a series of letters that begin “Dear Margaret” and then ramble on. I am completely aware that she would HATE to have any letters from me, and in fact her writing makes her irritation with her young(er – ahem) fans quite apparent. I rather love that about her.

What is your writing ambition?

You mean apart from the Booker Prize and being on Oprah’s Book Club? Oh, not much, really. I’ll probably just, well, I don’t know..

You will be relived to hear that is all.

I am going to send this on to three of my writerly bloggers and see what they do with it. Here you go, Mrs Trefusis, LibertyLondonGirl and MaybeI’mLying. Away with Ye!

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A habit, a nostalgia, a dream

by Mothership on August 13, 2009

We’ve just come back from a long weekend in Monterey which was nice, and not nice, fun and not fun. All things mixed up but too long to tell in one post so it will dribble out in bits and pieces. I am still digesting it all.

We spent a lot of time at the Monterey Aquarium which is truly awesome. You must go. Ironically, looking at all the wonderful marine life and learning about how to preserve the oceans makes you very hungry so you end up wanting to eat everything you see in there which is not necessarily what they meant for you, but fortunately all the local restaurants are vigorously monitored by the aquarium for their marine stewardship so I suppose that they do the thinking for us.
That is good.
My brain was rather tired by the time we left from taking in all the information and chasing an errant Two around the building.

The other reason I love Monterey is that I love, love, love John Steinbeck.

Cannery Row in Monterey in California is a poem, a stink, a grating noise, a quality of light, a tone, a habit, a nostalgia, a dream.”

Oh, how I adore John Steinbeck!

And what a first line.

I fell in love with that sentence when I was just a young girl and it has still retained its magic despite many re-readings of the book and the terrible disappointment of the real Cannery Row not looking like the one I imagined from the novel.

It is one of my great sorrows in life  that I always longed to visit Steinbeck’s California, the one he paints from the 30s and 40’s and I’m just too late, no trace.

It is no more.

Now that beautiful scenery is full of empty pickup trucks, big box stores, Taco Bells, appalling housing developments where architects with taste lobotomies were let loose and giant strip malls where oversized people travel in fat-arsed minivans to pray with their wallets to the great God consumerism. Or at least they did until recently. Now they just drive there and eat a lot for they are depressed because they can’t buy as much stuff as last year.

I thought that this was a recent phenomenon. Something that happened after the Reagan years, perhaps? Deregulation and all?

But no, it turns out it’s been sneaking up on us for quite a while. My dead hero sensed it back in 1959 when he wrote,

“..a creeping, all-pervading, nerve-gas of immorality”
(The Winter of Our Discontent)

“Having too many THINGS they spend their hours and money on the couch searching for a soul
(to Adlai Stevenson, 1960)

I wonder what he would have made of the internet? I shudder to think.

TV was bad enough. Now we can take it with us wherever we go, our couches are portable, so to speak, and we can buy THINGS 24 hours a day. And in the name of all that consumption we are destroying the very country that he held so dear and we’re well on our way to doing it to the rest of the world too.

Well done us!

I am, of course, completely guilty of the portable sofa addiction. I loathe being apart from my computer and an internet connection although I comfort myself with the thought that I am using it as a means of connection to others and as a creative outlet, much like JS himself might have done – surely he would have emailed his editor and friends?
It’s not like I’m ordering things on Amazon all the time.

Well not MUCH anyway. Only WORTHY LITERATURE.

And mostly I use the library anyway. Speaking of which, I note that the library is closed today (Friday) due to a staff furlough. The state of California is broke and we can’t pay the library workers.

Terrible.

So in honour of John Steinbeck, the library, anti consumerism and also just to change things up (aware that was all a bit of a stretch but I felt the need to take some kind of action)I am going to start a little library corner on my blog. I will put on it the books that I am currently reading.
It might actually not be the books I’m REALLY reading, but rather what is on my bedside table waiting to be read. Some items might stay on there rather a long time getting a bit dusty *ahem*.

Stand by while I figure out the technology..

In the meantime, please tell me what is on your bedside table right now?
(You don’t have to tell me about the hastily discarded lacy bra or the handsome stranger’s watch but that would be a bonus..)

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Viva la Fiesta!

by Mothership on August 8, 2009

The last few days we have been in a whirlwind of Old Spanish Days – it has been Fiesta Time here in Stepford – and Two has celebrated in style by stepping out in drag.
He point blank refused to wear his gaucho shirt and insisted on wearing a twirly dress like his sister which was very funny at home, so I aquiesced, liberal parent that I am, but found that it was less funny when given ‘bad mamasita’ stares by a hundred macho Mexican men in the streets.
My boy is rather scrumptious, if I do say so myself, but there is no way that he can pass for a girl, even at twenty six months. He looked a trifle, shall we say, lumberjack?

The next Fiesta day he chose one of his sister’s white smock tops over his own jeans which looked less peculiar than the dress, but he had insisted on having a large black curly moustache  drawn over his face at nursery which left him looking like a crazed blonde toddler version of Toulouse-Lautrec. All we needed was a beret and a few paintbrushes and we’d be away, especially as he was quite good at endearing himself to young senoritas in full flamenco garb.

His first three word sentence: Viva la fiesta!

I did tweet about Two’s crossdressing the other day and someone very kindly sent me a picture of her sons dressed in tutus so I felt slightly better.

Did any of your boys go through a dress phase?

I’m trying to be relaxed about it – I thought I was SO cool until my boy put a dress on and stepped out in it himself.
Turns out I am a closet reactionary and I am worried about what the neighbours will think. Oh GOD! I”M GOING TO HAVE TO PUNCH MYSELF ON THE NOSE!

We are heading up to Monterey in the morning to look at the aquarium, the sea otters (the cutest mammals in the ocean) and footle about as a family before coming back for the big countdown to Kindergarten (WAAHHHH).
I am not taking my computer (gasp!) so I will not post for a few days. This might kill me.

Of course if I get really desperate I might do a really crap, misspelled one from my iPhone. That would be bad.

However, I’ll be checking back for succour in the form of comments and I promise I’ll respond so please tell me your best boys in a dress tales.

Mothership xo

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